What I wrote the night Brian left. I screwed up, so I couldn’t sleep. Ended up taking Maxidone just so I could pass out. Not the most rational of decisions, but hey. It’s not really a poem… more of a free style. You can get the rythem of it, I’m sure.
And yet the world around me keeps turning, yearning for what I’ve just lost. Love? Something like it. Certainly not strong enough to tie my life to it. Pop some more pills to disappear the pain, just lost something I had to gain. Never understood the meaning of this all brought about by just one kiss. Never could get my heart to stay. My body lusts and my mind strays. A perfect combination is hard to find, especially when to one’s self you lie. We lost the connection somewhere in there, so when he looked at me I couldn’t hear. “Two weeks ago I saw,” he said “Then last week I heard.” “Today I Know.” I fucked up, it’s true. Ruined another life because of me without you. But I enjoyed flexing my wings, no regret there, just that I knocked you off the precipise as they reached for the air. I want to keep going but this is where today ends. Now is past and sill here only because you missed it. lost my head to a beautiful boy lying in my bed, who knew my mind to would end up being fed. And now to sleep… the closest I get to being dead.
I know it’s not the best, but it was what poured out after I had filled a page with the words “just pass out” over and over again.
He called me yesterday. Said he understood. That I need to live this part of my life open. Still wants to keep in touch. Made me keep my ring. I haven’t taken it off since I offered it back to him. “Real Love is Forever” they say… and maybe it is. This is just a fold in time in forever.
He also told me I was his angel. I told him this angel can only fall and lead people into Hell.