shake well : seperation is natural

I realize I’m actually a morning person if my first thought is “hey, it’s tomorrow. it’s The Future!”

So a lot has been going on, huh? So much so that I’ve decided that the majority of today is about experiencing Bloomington and -just sitting-.

Something tells me it’s important to write down some of the processes I’m going though. Not so much to express things that must be said before I leave – that’s never been my game. I say what’s on my mind when it’s there. I try not to need the urgency of impending separation be the prompt for expressing sentiments. I need to write things down so I remember how I felt during these times.

This is the first move I’ve ever done for myself. When I moved to Bloomington to go to college, it was for Seamus. When I moved to Virginia it was for Corey. When I moved back to Bloomington it was for my parents. And while this move was initially to be close to Seamus again, and it still is a bit, he’s got his own life now. Sure I still play an important part, but I need to learn to be my own favorite person for awhile. And apparently I’m pretty neat, or so I’m told.
Also, taking two weeks to drive out is a big deal. While I’m a pretty patient person, once I decide to do something I just do it. I rarely second guess myself, I never regret anything. You just do something and deal with it. See how it plays out, deal with what comes. Everything really does work out in the end.

I have to remember that I have the choice to freak out or not.

So taking so long to drive out is a pretty big deal – if I did things the way I usually do, I would already be in the car and there. It takes a couple days to drive out. Sure, it’s a great opportunity to visit friends and such, but it’s just not my style to take so long getting somewhere. Which I think is what will make this so good for me. I need the alone time, I need to sit places, I need to feel every mile that passes underfoot. I need to see how I fit into this odd place. Upon but also within.

On side notes (remember, it’s a random thought process): I am appalled that we don’t have the technology yet to tell me EXACTLY when it will stop raining (I mean, really.); I’m appalled that I sometimes miss the way feathers and brushed metal smell; I’m appalled that to feel legitimate expressing extreme emotions I have to be drinking; I’m appalled that people treat each other the way they do. However, I am pleased as spiked punch that the people around me so are amazing; pleased that I am Getting Things Done; pleased that I am as aware of my surroundings and Self as I am.

Also, there is coffee.