So back in Indiana, when I had started running and lifting and all that… I realized that I’m genetically predisposed to building muscle. I should have realized this by looking at my brother.

So I quit.

Girls aren’t supposed to have lots of muscle, right?

Then I moved out to Seattle. And I got into Parkour. And suddenly I feel like a badass. (ie). I’m starting to look more like what Libby describes as “built like a brick shit house” when referring to certain individuals. I thought about worrying about it again. I’ve always been fairly comfortable with my body, but that doesn’t mean I’m up to the task of the social rammifications of continuing to go full-throttle at an activity I love.

Then, having a picnic with some fellow Monkees on Sunday, we shared a quiet moment, munching on bread and cheese and meat, looking over Freeway Park. Brandee asked, “so Willow, what’s your zombie weapon of choice?” And because I had thought this out, I didn’t need much time to explain that I would use a machete, and listed my reasons. “You?” “Shovel.” We discussed pros and cons of carrying around something so bulky. Baron pointed out a military folding shovel as his weapon of choice. “Janine?” “My hands. I just want to… rip them apart. Anything that gets in the way of movement is a danger.”

Needless to say, Janine is a badass. She is also very feminine and built like a brick shit house.

And that’s when I realized I really don’t give a shit if doing something I love makes my form non-standard for social guidelines. Because I’m going to survive the zombie apocalypse. Maybe those skinny models will, too, but mostly because there’s nothing on them to eat.

It used to confuse me, why so many people who were extrodinarily into tech and The Future were also into basic survival skills… but I think it has to do with being aware of how fucked up things are, and how fucked we might cause ourselves to be at some point.

Also, the endorphins are rad.

disclaimer: kicking zombie ass isn’t the only survival skill. Also included are cooking, gardening, mechanics, etc… all of which I’m fairly limited at. Please don’t take my joy in my skill set as devaluing your skill set. We’ll make it work together.

What do we want? BRAINS! When do we want ’em? BRAAAINNNNSS

Do you have a zombie plan?
my parkour friends and I do. You should too. Here is a quick (and hopefully fun) way to get started on yours. Just don’t get the brain juices flowing too much or you’ll attract them, just like sharks!

Image of the lovely Petra taken by the talented Libby Bulloff (HIRE HER) for Zombie Prom 2006. I hope when the zombipocalyse comes they’re this classy and easy on the eyes.


I’ve come to the realization that my quest for self-sufficiency and independence is legitimized through zombies.

Must keep a full tank of gas in case of zombies.
Must keep in shape in case of zombies.
Must learn how to shoot a gun in case of zombies.
Must know how to drive a manual, ride a motorcycle, etc… in case of zombies.

If the infrastructure gives way, I’ll know how to handle myself.

So really, the Singularity and zombies are the same thing on some days.