I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it is to be a friend. I’ve been called out recently on making people feel important, but then not treating them as such. This causes me a lot of confusion, so I’d really like some feedback.
1) I’m very logical. I state what sort of time I have for people, what I’m expecting (if anything), or if winging it seems like a better idea. I request feedback in the same way.
2) I compartmentalize. If I am spending time with you, I’m spending time with you. I will step out if I absolutely have to answer a text, or will do so around you if that’s something we’ve established as being ok. That means when I am not around you, I am doing this for other people, which means I will likely not respond to a text from you immediately.
3) I will always respond to emergencies. I will rarely respond to small talk. That means I have to be informed if it’s an emergency.
4) I do not have my own set of emotions, or at least not ones that I have had any sort of regular access to for a long time, if ever. I empathize extraordinarily well, but this requires me to be around someone. I used to think drinking brought out emotions in me, but I think it just makes me more of an empath.
5) I am busy. I set aside segments of time for people. I seriously did a pie chart the other day of how many hours I spend on which tasks, and showed it to people who thought they weren’t getting a lot of my time. 3 hours a week of hang-out is seriously 15% of my social time.
Basically, this boils down to me being very good at making people feel special. I’m very good at starting friendships, though some are arguing that I’m not good at maintaining them. Because making people feel special is bad? Apparently when you do that, they want to spend time with you, even when you have made it clear you don’t have time. Also, if you make someone other than a close friend feel special, it detracts from them? I don’t get it. So what do I do? Stop making people feel special? Because I’m not good at that.
Serious confusion going on here. Please do give me some advice. Comments are allowed to be anonymous, and are screened. Please do say what you think. If you want it to be responded to and thus publicized, please say as such in comment.