I just spent all morning at a charity thing for homeless addicts. I was with coworkers – 20% were pregnant, 100% were weepy women, and 60% were Christian.

So now, because these things could not be giggled at then:
“So we will share our hearts with you, as we hope you will share yours with us.”
(are… are these chocolate hearts? They want us to eat their hearts?)
“…for some may say we do not serve a purpose but I believe we do…”
(tasty chocolate homeless hearts.)

And also, but not limited to:
K: “so how far along are you?”
M: “couple of months”
K: “oh that’s so cute! how big is it?”
M: “about the size of my fist”
P: “how big is that in terms of fruit?”
me: “what?”
P: “you know, like a cantaloupe or a lemon or”
M: “it’s the size of an apple. why food?”
SHE COMPARES A FETUS TO FOOD AND I CAN’T START WITH DEAD BABIES JOKES. Why god, why? Why do you laugh at me today?

Just so you all aren’t convinced I’m totally heartless, I will be dedicating a few hours in the upcoming months to supporting the Recovery Cafe. It really is a great place. And full of fodder!

7 thoughts on “bitethetonguebitethetonguebitethetongue

  1. Just switch to dead puppies. They arn’t much fun.

    Mom says puppies days are thru
    she’s going to throw him in the stew

    Dead puppies arn’t much fun….no…no…no

    They don’t come,
    when you call
    they just lay there in the hall

    dead puppies arnt much fun

    This is a doctor dememnto song. No disrespect intended. It kinda goes along with the Fish Head Song. Sorry if I offended.

    If you can’t laugh, you can’t cry.

    Blessings to all, and to all a good bite.

    Chocolate farts are ….um…..hearts…are fun.

  2. Life treats me like this all the time, now anyway. It used to just be sometimes, but my favorite jedi axiom came into play again. I won’t repeat it here. Too many Athiests.

    I’m feeling quite empowered from giving up sugar, and there really isn’t anything that I can’t eat that I really think I should be eating. I would like some carbonated water sweetened with something other than sugar, sucralose or aspartame. But I found a bakery that will bake me cookies sweetened with agave.

    f(O_o)f [zombie attack!]

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