This will be my tenth(!!) year in a row doing these, so you can also read about the years since 2015 if so desired. They are inspired by Tilde, who has taught me that it can be a Good Thing to remember what the last year has been like. Many of the headers in this post are based on my goals for 2024.
The word for this year was abundance. I struggled to bring this take to everything I do — I feel an immense amount of guilt around my privilege these days, and so while I still try to come at things from an abundance mindset, and bring abundance to others, I struggled to apply this across the board.
This is a draft for the zine, worked on with John Crowley. Reminder that we have a kickstarter up for not-quite-a-month still.
Determining if they’re collaborative
The vast majority of people in the formal sector when I was doing crisis response in 2010-2018 actually wanted to help the frontline population, and had a deep breadth of education and experience in doing so. One of the things about the formal sector is that they’re NOT starting from square one for each crisis. They are also stymied by bureaucracies. Those same bureaucracies also hold them accountable. It’s a mixed bag.
Under Trump, they’ll be changing a lot. See more in the Trends article. This piece is to get a rough sniff test on whether or not someone in the formal sector is trustworthy and whether or not they can actually effect change to assist your efforts.
You’ll want to be aware that most folks in the field come from a social work background, and most folks in the command center come from a command and control background. This doesn’t exclude either set from being worth collaborating with, but it will influence their approaches.
They should be focused on listening and responding, not telling you want to do or just listening without saying anything.
You will spot them speaking to people of different backgrounds at the same time – you’ll see them facilitating a discussion between someone deployed via the military and someone whose house just got blown down.
When you embark upon conversation, they’re focused on the actual problem and how to deliver support whether or not you collaborate, rather than getting territorial.
If they’re worth collaborating with
Once you figure out someone CAN be collaborated with, you’ll want to determine if they have enough sway in their org to actually get some things done with you. Start small and work your way up.
If they know who to ask and when their next checkpoint with that person is, they are probably effective.
If they can deliver on concrete things (including preventing an interruption to your work), it’s a good sign.
If they’re just hanging out to be seen or to gather intel, ask them to move on, assertively if need be.
If they over promise and then hype up their role in what’s happening, you’re probably dealing with a problematic person and you should cut ties ASAP, even if they can nominally deliver.
The actual collaboration mechanisms
Have multiple people behind one role title and group email/phone number to coordinate with the formal sector. Do not give out a single person’s point of contact or it will be unsustainable for them.
They cannot come join you on discord or wherever because of IT rules of what can and can’t be installed on their devices, so you’ll need to find a way to talk to each other.
One-on-one conversations are more likely to get traction for actual collaboration.
They may also invite you to their meetings as information sharing, but it’s not the time or place to try to course correct how they operate.
If you end up sharing their space with them (you’re invited to their phone calls or meetings), expect things to flow very differently from what you’ve seen in your own community and try to follow their lead.
What to collaborate on after they pass the sniff test
Ask what usually goes wrong or what complications you’re about to face.
Tell them about pain points to elicit feedback.
If you need to talk about risks you’re taking or rules you’re breaking, have answers ready about how you’re mitigating those risks.
If you need a large number of “simple” things like blankets, you can usually arrange a pickup point from them to then bring to your distro center to get out into your community.
If you have a solid distro system going, offer it as a way to do last mile logistics for their supplies. You may need to integrate with their reporting system, but it may be worth it. They won’t have logistics, access, or intelligence (PII) to do last mile.
It seems like some want to be taking bubble baths waiting for the right thought to hit while they burn down our libraries.
I went to the theater recently on a date. I don’t get a lot of time away from everything, so it’s a rare treat that I get to have a date, and rarer still when we decide not just to stay in and roll around. So this was exciting! And it was thrown by a theater group I’ve enjoyed in the past. We arrived and lingered in the lobby with some folks I know, and made friends with some others. Everyone was wearing masks. It was nice. Then the time came, and we were all ushered into a space influenced by Burning Man. It was scrappy, it was cute, but it was not good art. Lights were set to rainbow demo mode, kind of vibe. We all got comfortable. And then we waited. We made more friends with some of the folks around us.
The MC then stood up and told us that the event was about sharing space together. That they had no idea what was going to happen, and that we were just going to see. Emergence! It’s a trend in organizing right now that I appreciate but have some qualms with. So they put on some meditation music and left the room. And then we sat there. In silence. For maybe 10 minutes. Now, I’m all about sharing silence with strangers. It’s one of my favorite things. But I had signed up for a theater event, and expectations hadn’t been set for how long we were doing this for or how things would end. Most folks in the room probably didn’t have a meditation practice and asking those folks to sit in silence for more than about 5 minutes is hard.
I finally held up my phone screen to my sweetie asking if he wanted to leave if this kept up. He agreed, I set a timer for 5 more minutes. The 5 minutes passed. Other folks exited. We did as well. I texted a friend who had stayed there later, to ask what had happened. They said they eventually brought out some art supplies for folks to use, but that not much had happened.
Can you imagine it? A group of relatively radical folks all in a room together, who will never again be just that group of people, with an entire evening set aside to experience something together. And instead that time was wasted. All that potential was wasted.
Investigate what sorts of hazards are likely to occur in your region by using available tools. If you can’t trust the tools, talk to people who have been around for a long time about what is likely to happen and how to prepare. Discuss it with neighbors.
Narrow down to your region. I look up liquefaction zones because that’s what matters in an earthquake.
We also have wild fires in California, so I find the state’s hazard website, which tells me which areas are protected how against fires and other hazards.
Floods can happen just about anywhere. Here’s the current way to look up your flooding risk.
There are often environmental justice organizations in each region as well, who will have different maps that include super fund sites you’ll need to be wary of if you can no longer trust that government one. During 2017 we worked with Public Lab to find and combine maps of issues.
Political hazards
Depending on the political climate where you’re at, you may face some challenges to your response organizing work.
Disinformation – people may try to skew information people are getting in order to further their own political ends. Be aware of who you can trust, and read the pages in here about understanding and combatting disinformation.
Cops – bullies with power may tell you that you can’t do some of the things you’re doing. Know your rights in your area, and record interactions. And shut the fuck up. Have your local legal team’s number written down and/or ideally memorized.
Wanna be cops – bullies with guns and a sense of power may come by and try to interrupt what you’re doing. Have a sense of what risks you’re willing to take, and stand your ground whenever possible. Have a crew of folks who are willing to show up against these folks, and have them be on an on call rotation.
Community hazards
Hopefully you already have a sense of who is in your neighborhood. If you don’t, start knocking on doors with cookies.
Narcissists – who is going to show up and look for power in order to look good? They’ll drive things in a way that doesn’t help the community but has their name all over it and looks good for a moment in the news. Not willing to share power or take critical feedback. Should be removed from power and ignored as early as possible. Grey rock that shit.
Spontaneous unaffiliated volunteers – people who show up and disrupt your work in order to “help.” Figuring out who is useful and who is going to get in the way is vital. More in that article.
Community resources
Map your neighborhood for resources folks are willing to provide. I did this by showing up to community events with a form for folks to fill out with what they were willing to provide, posting on community forums, and hosting disaster-themed get togethers for folks who were interested.
Power – who has generators or solar with batteries
Water – who has water stored in their house, and is likely to fill up a bathtub
Food – who keeps a backstop of food at their house and is willing to share
Medical capabilities – who can help with medical issues
AED – anyone who keeps an AED in their location
Disaster experience – those who are trained and/or experienced in disaster response
Block captains – folks who are willing to check in on each other in a crisis
So all those blog posts I’ve been making about informal disaster response? Yeah, it’s growing into a full-on zine. Drew and I have enough put together that we can publish something in the first quarter of the new year, but we’d like to make it even bigger and better. So we’re doing a kickstarter like it’s 2009 again or something.
I’m hoping to pay some folks what they’re worth to do a full-on website, some extra graphics for the zine, and finish up some great articles. It can end up shipping as the mostly-Willow-show, but that doesn’t feel good or right. I’ve run through my 5k personal budget of what to spend on generating this, but people keep getting excited for what it could be. So this Kickstarter is to see if there’s enough heat there to expand the scope. Throw in and share if you think it’s a nice idea. Otherwise, no worries. We can still ship with what we’ve got.
I realized on Friday that all my experience in organizing marginalized frontline populations in times of crisis is really going to come to bear on the upcoming years. This time, we even have some time to prepare, and lots of foundational work has already been happening in our communities by those who haven’t been served by ANY administration that’s been in power.
Find your people
Ideally, you already know some of your neighbors. But maybe you don’t! Capitalism and eviction culture lead to not knowing who’s around you. It means we have less solidarity and less strength against the ruling class. If you don’t already know your neighbors, start getting to know them! Get comfortable knocking on doors with cookies. Be open to who you meet. More and more people are uncomfortable with the status quo, even if they voted differently to you. Remember that the uniting cry of the Zapatists was “¡Ya Basta!” (“enough!”). You may end up with strange allies, but they will be allies nonetheless.
Have a good sense of who you can trust with what. Some folks are excellent at helping people feel welcome, but also don’t have a good gauge of how discrete a new person can be. Some folks are good in a crisis but otherwise aren’t dependable. Etc. There are many things you can trust someone with, have a good sense of who to trust with what.
Be open to new folks showing up, but also be aware that there will be lots of attempts at infiltration as time goes on, especially as you become more known. Each person having a story and a personal contact who can vouch for them goes a long way, but also just behave as if you’re already infiltrated.
Scope your focus
I have chosen to focus on my state and county. If a trans kid from Florida shows up on my porch, Reed and I will talk about housing them. However, I can’t do anything about trans kids in Florida at this point. I can keep giving money to Planned Parenthood in the Midwest and the South, and I can keep giving money to Translifeline, but other than that, I need to hone my focus close to home. Maybe you’ll pick a specific cause to focus on rather than a geographic one. But regardless, pick something that matches your area of influence and stick to it. Else we all go mad and burn out.
I also really liked this article that’s being passed around, that has four areas of focus: protect people, disrupt and disobey, defend civic institutions, and build alternatives. I think it’s good to know which frame folks are using when they’re asking for action. I also think it’s important that all four of these bases be covered (or intentionally left out) when organizing a broader group.
I’ve got the resources, so here’s how I live as honestly as I can in this late-stage-capitalism hellscape. Not a judgement on whatever setup works for you, just a nudge to see where you can be more in alignment with your goals and ethics.
Side projects – since always
Despite being employed in the private sector for 40+ hours a week, plus having a toddler and robust local organizing life, I have been dedicated to seeing meaningful side projects through. Right now, that’s working on getting a book about sex workers and kinksters fulfilled (do you know anyone who does fulfillment, btw??) shipped out, and working on a disaster response zine. I get a moment here and there to push them forward, and spend my Sunday mornings working on these. They are of and by my community, and I will do my part in logistics and some writing. I have always prided myself of being the person in the group of artists who gets rewards shipped, why would that change now?
No car – since 2008
While facilitated by living in the hearts of cities for most of that time, since 2021, I’ve lived in the suburbs. However, I think cars (and specifically, the lengths we go to for car infrastructure) are a big part of what have destroyed America and our local communities. I refuse to partake. Even having a child, I still refuse. We will take him to the ER in our cargo bike, thank you very much. Reed and I were even downed on my motorcycle when I was 9 weeks pregnant, and I hold to this: the problem is not me being outside the vehicle and prone to damage, it is the person operating a 2+ tonne murder machine while stressed and/or looking at their goddamn phone.
I have the luxury of a shuttle to/from work the 3 days I go in. But also, we picked where we were willing to live and work based on a setup availability like this. And yes, I sometimes take a Lyft or borrow a car from a neighbor. We still live in this (car-centric) world, after all. But I do make a conscious effort to not be in cars.
Eating less meat, and locally sourced food – this year
When Reed was able to go off keto, the first thing I asked was if we could eat less meat. He is now totally invested in researching the best places to get our eggs etc from, and has the space to go to the farmers’ markets. Truly, having extra income for local supplies and a house husband who hyper fixates on feeding the family good food is the absolute best and I’m mostly just along for the ride here. We even got a rice cooker and I can pull off a pretty good tofu stir fry! Pretty good for this protein-shake-consuming food-unit-optimizer!
Buying locally – since 2022
I hate Amazon, and also it’s so convenient. I still order from them sometimes. However, whenever possible, I try to buy locally, even when it’s a pain. I’ve found a local bike shop and a local book shop that I adore and am willing to suffer the inconvenience and slightly higher prices for. Plus, deep discussion whenever I go in about how our neighborhoods are doing and how to support each other! And, not making Bezos richer.
Non-main services – this year
I’ve been off Facebook since 2011, and left Twitter when Elon Musk took over. I’m on Mastodon, but frankly I’ve been getting way more into group chats on Signal, Slack, and Discord grown organically from people meeting each other in person. I miss the heydays of Twitter, but doomscrolling just got to to be too much. Although now I might have to re-join Facebook to deal with local politic stuff. Blah.
So other ground I’m trying to figure out here instead is search (using Kagi to great success) and a recent switch to Proton for mail (and calendar?). This has been some lifting to get things set up, but I have friends who are well acquainted with this setup and have been willing to help me through the process when I get stuck (despite very good documentation). We’ll see how far down this hole I go.
What’s next?
I’ll keep looking for ways to live honestly that I have capacity to support. Again, no judgement in any of this. We all have different constraints and goals. The only pressure here is to live intentionally. 💙
I want to get this down. I want to cherish each of these before things get gnarly again in January. I’ve created a very good routine for myself, and I want to celebrate it. I want to remember what Normal looked like, because I’m willing to fight for it. I’m willing to die on my goddamn porch for this and the neighborhood we’re a part of. I love the East Bay and the life I have here.
This is a boring post, but I lead a beautifully suburban life at this point, and I like that my life is boring.
Monday
I wake up around 6a and make myself some decaf quietly, with doors closed, so as not to wake up Reed. Holiday is under foot, North is cuddling Reed. Locke’s yellow light clock won’t indicate it’s ok to be out of bed until 7, at which point he plays quietly until the light turns green at 7:30. I check in on work to see what the week has in store, and knock out a few tasks to get things in order, and take the cats through their morning routine (play outside, scoop litterbox, feed). Between 7:30 and 8, I see Locke and Reed a bit while they do morning things, and I get myself in order for the work day.
At 8, I ride my bike for 15 minutes to the shuttle, hang out with my shuttle buddies in line, and then do email and Slack and meeting prep for the ~90 minute shuttle ride. I work for 5 hours with 1ish hour for lunch from Apple Park, focused on securing our users’ devices from state sponsored attacks and intimate partner surveillance alike. I take an hour away from my desk to pick up heavy things and set them down again gently. Then I spend 90 on the shuttle debriefing from meetings and doing focus work, ride my bike 15 minutes home, and then have dinner with Locke and Reed.
I read something relatively light in bed and fall asleep by 9p.
There’s so much going on! Surely slowing down to write about it isn’t worth the time and effort. But it is! Promise.
Use it for learning, use it for community
Lightening your onboarding lift – if you write down how something works, it means someone can onboard themselves while you focus on more complex things. Bonus if each person updates the documentation to help the next person do even better based on what they learn.
Passing on knowledge – we shouldn’t have to keep reinventing the wheel for crisis response. What did you learn, and can you teach it forward? Occupy Sandy folks helped those organizing about the tornadoes the following year.
Solidifying what you know – do you really understand something until you’ve written it down and someone else has done a review of it?
Helps with fundraising and countering misinformation. You’ll have a written log of what happened, when, that can be used as reference in the future.
Celebrate your documentarians! It’s fairly thankless work that helps the whole organization keep going smoothly.
I was pregnant as an agender person, and it was hard, but it didn’t destroy me.
The tenses in this one are a doozy. I use “breast” in here a lot as I believe it’s already a gender-neutral term.
Before being pregnant, I was pretty ok with my body shape. My breasts were small enough to bind but also present enough to wear cute dresses in. My hips were present if I chose to accentuate them, but also disappeared in men’s style clothing.
I got misgendered my entire pregnancy by medical professionals. They even had my pronouns in their system! But calling people “mama” all day is a hard habit to break, and it happened all. the. time.
Willow about 7 months pregnant in front of a mirror, swollen
And also — my breasts grew 2 cup sizes. My hips expanded. Not as much as they might have if Locke had completed his damn pregnancy, but still. My fairly androgynous figure was gone. I couldn’t bind anymore. After pregnancy, it wasn’t just medical professionals that were seeing me as femme, based on my newly acquired hourglass figure. I was Uncomfortable. I was hiding in bland clothing. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror. I shied away from sexy times. I was, and I mean this with all the dark humor in the world, “not feeling myself.”
