I’ve been trying for awhile to make a connection between anger and passion. I had an amazing conversation with a woman in a restroom once about how passionate, healthy people end up with raging bombs of anger. And I think it’s because we don’t think being passionate is necessarily constructive. You’re allowed to be an artist who forgets to shower, a student who fails to sleep, a manager who misses too many meals. You’re allowed to be brilliant but drink a lot, do questionable drugs, participate in crazy sex rituals. But when you’re intelligent and organized and friendly, people are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. (I’d like to sidebar to Libby for a moment in thanks that when I moved out here, she suggested I go on a self-constructive binge rather than a destructive one).
See? This is how this goes every time I’ve tried to post about this. I start off on a good idea and then go into legitimizing that it’s possible to be healthy and passionate. So that was the point of that paragraph.
So say you’re one of those rad people who actually does things and looks out for other people and all that. Why would you go for an unhealthy relationship, or better yet – why would you stay in one? I’ve done it, too, so don’t be scared to speak up. And I don’t just mean Upper Case R Relationships, I also mean lower case r relationships.
I think it’s this: we seek out other passionate people. And anger is seen as a manifestation of that passion. (I do have friends who are legitimately angry at Bad People and who act upon it. I’m not saying anger in general is not ok, nor an unreasonable response at times.)
This isn’t well formed, but I wanted to get it out there. Because I’m having trouble doing an outline of this thought.
From a link dear Matt posted the other day. I really like this guy, and what he has to say. Enough that the subject line will be my next tattoo (along with another choice I’ve made).
I like seeing people being fiery about their passions. Otherwise, what’s the point in doing anything? A habit is an action without the point, and I don’t have time to waste.
The family is visiting this weekend. I feel my sharpest when we’re mocking each other viciously, loving unconditionally, laughing at the absurdity of our darkest moments. I learn so much from them, am supported by them, but also inspired to bring new things to the table.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to believe in .one. higher power because then I’d have somewhere to focus all the gratitude, love, and joy that I feel sometimes. Instead I have to feel it towards the whole world. And it’s pretty big. You can’t even see all of it from the top of your roof, as Matt said this morning.
Good lord I’m gushy this morning. MORE COFFEE!
The world is a playground. It’s time I started treating it as such again.
Prepare to be bruised to hell. Already have a gouge on my knee.
Sitting at a desk at home, newly connect internet.
Just got in from smoking the hookah and chatting on the porch with Libby and Jeremy.
Trip hop playing.
Kitten sleeping next to me.
Most of my homework for the upcoming week done; one final task, and some polishing yet to do.
Doors and windows open, breezes.
Glass of wine in hand.
I feel alive.
This is what being a student is about for me: learning, in my environment, the things I’m passionate about.
I’ve spent the past few days doing homework, in and out of the company of people that appreciate me, give me space when I need it, but can also have a good laugh. Especially you. (Cheese?)
Who knows, if I get this reading done I may even post about the rest of my Seattle trip.