more adventures of Willow

So this job I’m taking over involves being the keeper of the Special Pens. Pens which are only given out one or two at a time to people who are deserving (ie, those who make money for the firm instead of those who just support them). It’s a tough job, I know, but somebody’s got to do it. After taking careful inventory, I had to have a way to protect these pens. Because I am not allowed a locked drawer, like an angsty teenager and their own room, I had to come up with another way.

Now, if this were the serving industry, I would simply leave a note that said something to the effect of, “if you take pens, I will stab your eye out with one.” (similarly, on scissors, one might write “if you take these, I will cut you”). But this is not the serving industry. Something I’ve come to know as “tact” is required. But I can’t just say “PLEASE DON’T TAKE PENS” because that’s too… dull. And I can’t say anything passive aggressive because it makes a small part of me die.

So this is my approach. Let me know what you think.

I would also like to point out that our OS is so old that I have to screen-print into PAINT for God’s Sake, which charmingly also captures old-school Word’s attempts at fixing my syntax. Love it.

50 thoughts on “more adventures of Willow

  1. Not allowed a locked drawer, but need to protect items? I never trust anyone to pay attention to signs.

    Maybe put em in a puzzle box, or a cash box? There’s likely a cable-lock port for laptops in your desk if it’s newish.

    You could also tag a pen somehow and put it in the top drawer, and hide the rest as deep as you can. Then hunt down the tagged pen when it’s gone, and publicly shame the stealer? I guess I don’t know the culture.

  2. Not allowed a locked drawer, but need to protect items? I never trust anyone to pay attention to signs.

    Maybe put em in a puzzle box, or a cash box? There’s likely a cable-lock port for laptops in your desk if it’s newish.

    You could also tag a pen somehow and put it in the top drawer, and hide the rest as deep as you can. Then hunt down the tagged pen when it’s gone, and publicly shame the stealer? I guess I don’t know the culture.

  3. I’ve heard the best way for people to respond to signage is to put a picture of eyes the sign. Some sort of pseudo-big-brother-guilt trip.

    That being said, I personally respond much better to corporal threats then threatening mythical creatures. Tact is for pussies. Also, unicorns are jerks and probably deserve it.

    • This result is surprising, but it has been replicated. The more realistic the eyes, the better. It seems to trigger some primitive gaze-reaction in exhibiting socially acceptable behavior. (However, it won’t prevent people from doing something they’d do in front of someone else anyway).

    • This result is surprising, but it has been replicated. The more realistic the eyes, the better. It seems to trigger some primitive gaze-reaction in exhibiting socially acceptable behavior. (However, it won’t prevent people from doing something they’d do in front of someone else anyway).

    • This result is surprising, but it has been replicated. The more realistic the eyes, the better. It seems to trigger some primitive gaze-reaction in exhibiting socially acceptable behavior. (However, it won’t prevent people from doing something they’d do in front of someone else anyway).

    • This result is surprising, but it has been replicated. The more realistic the eyes, the better. It seems to trigger some primitive gaze-reaction in exhibiting socially acceptable behavior. (However, it won’t prevent people from doing something they’d do in front of someone else anyway).

    • This result is surprising, but it has been replicated. The more realistic the eyes, the better. It seems to trigger some primitive gaze-reaction in exhibiting socially acceptable behavior. (However, it won’t prevent people from doing something they’d do in front of someone else anyway).

  4. I’ve heard the best way for people to respond to signage is to put a picture of eyes the sign. Some sort of pseudo-big-brother-guilt trip.

    That being said, I personally respond much better to corporal threats then threatening mythical creatures. Tact is for pussies. Also, unicorns are jerks and probably deserve it.

  5. I’ve heard the best way for people to respond to signage is to put a picture of eyes the sign. Some sort of pseudo-big-brother-guilt trip.

    That being said, I personally respond much better to corporal threats then threatening mythical creatures. Tact is for pussies. Also, unicorns are jerks and probably deserve it.

  6. I’ve heard the best way for people to respond to signage is to put a picture of eyes the sign. Some sort of pseudo-big-brother-guilt trip.

    That being said, I personally respond much better to corporal threats then threatening mythical creatures. Tact is for pussies. Also, unicorns are jerks and probably deserve it.

  7. Can you cry on command? I would make a sign with a picture of you making a sad face saying “if you take this pen, I will be so upset that I will have to come and find you. Then I will cry. In front of you.”

  8. Can you cry on command? I would make a sign with a picture of you making a sad face saying “if you take this pen, I will be so upset that I will have to come and find you. Then I will cry. In front of you.”

  9. Can you cry on command? I would make a sign with a picture of you making a sad face saying “if you take this pen, I will be so upset that I will have to come and find you. Then I will cry. In front of you.”

  10. Can you cry on command? I would make a sign with a picture of you making a sad face saying “if you take this pen, I will be so upset that I will have to come and find you. Then I will cry. In front of you.”

  11. Can you cry on command? I would make a sign with a picture of you making a sad face saying “if you take this pen, I will be so upset that I will have to come and find you. Then I will cry. In front of you.”

  12. Can you cry on command? I would make a sign with a picture of you making a sad face saying “if you take this pen, I will be so upset that I will have to come and find you. Then I will cry. In front of you.”

  13. Can you cry on command? I would make a sign with a picture of you making a sad face saying “if you take this pen, I will be so upset that I will have to come and find you. Then I will cry. In front of you.”

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