Hello.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it is to be a friend. I’ve been called out recently on making people feel important, but then not treating them as such. This causes me a lot of confusion, so I’d really like some feedback.
1) I’m very logical. I state what sort of time I have for people, what I’m expecting (if anything), or if winging it seems like a better idea. I request feedback in the same way.
2) I compartmentalize. If I am spending time with you, I’m spending time with you. I will step out if I absolutely have to answer a text, or will do so around you if that’s something we’ve established as being ok. That means when I am not around you, I am doing this for other people, which means I will likely not respond to a text from you immediately.
3) I will always respond to emergencies. I will rarely respond to small talk. That means I have to be informed if it’s an emergency.
4) I do not have my own set of emotions, or at least not ones that I have had any sort of regular access to for a long time, if ever. I empathize extraordinarily well, but this requires me to be around someone. I used to think drinking brought out emotions in me, but I think it just makes me more of an empath.
5) I am busy. I set aside segments of time for people. I seriously did a pie chart the other day of how many hours I spend on which tasks, and showed it to people who thought they weren’t getting a lot of my time. 3 hours a week of hang-out is seriously 15% of my social time.
Basically, this boils down to me being very good at making people feel special. I’m very good at starting friendships, though some are arguing that I’m not good at maintaining them. Because making people feel special is bad? Apparently when you do that, they want to spend time with you, even when you have made it clear you don’t have time. Also, if you make someone other than a close friend feel special, it detracts from them? I don’t get it. So what do I do? Stop making people feel special? Because I’m not good at that.
Serious confusion going on here. Please do give me some advice. Comments are allowed to be anonymous, and are screened. Please do say what you think. If you want it to be responded to and thus publicized, please say as such in comment.
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
speculative and rambling
Perhaps people misunderstand initially (or are uncertain and hopeful about) what it means for you to regard them as special, and what sort of friendship that will lead to? Different people are differently effusive, and I do notice myself gauging “how much it means” that someone is warm towards me by how they seem to interact with others. If they are warm toward me, warm towards others in all the interactions I see, and don’t seem to be trying to spend much time with me, I generally figure that they’re a lovely friendly person who’s either quite busy or not feeling much specific connection. (I try not to make assumptions about which.) That doesn’t have to be sad/disappointing, but I suspect that people are more likely to have hurt feelings the more time elapses between feeling special and finding out what to expect (whether “what to expect” is based on your time constraints or whatever).
On the other hand, you indicate that you make a point of letting people know how much time you have, so it may not be something you can change with quicker expectation-setting. It’s also the case that some people are hurt by the idea that they have time for someone but that person doesn’t have time for them, or that they aren’t “worthwhile” enough for that person to knock something else off of their schedule. At the extreme end, this comes across to me looking like they feel entitled to someone else’s time. Not terribly much you can do about that besides continue to be clear about what people can and can’t expect from you.
My perspective is limited, but I think you’re doing fine. It’s a tough one for anyone who’s sufficiently busy. (I struggle here too- especially when I get busy enough that planning ahead makes me anxious because I already feel too booked. Then I stop responding to people who want to make plans, and, well, flaky doom.) I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have a clear idea of how much of your time I should ask for, but I suspect that’s my brain as much as anything. (“Should I suggest another brunch soon? Should I wait a bit? Wait, when would actually work for that for me, anyhow? Ah well, I’ll figure that out later.”) Perhaps people who give you the feedback in your post are jarred by what feels to them like an imbalance between intensity of interactions (because you’re right, you do make people feel special and you do focus on the person you’re spending time with) and frequency of interactions? I think many folks expect those to stay in step with one another…
(I’m fine with this being unscreened.)
This kind of thing can be really hard for someone who is both empathic and has little access to their own emotions. I do think your basic attitude of honesty about your time and priorities is good and helpful; if you were inclined to hide things and lie about them then hurt would be practically guaranteed on all sides.
If people are unable to accept that you often don’t have time then that is a problem at least partially of their own making. They need to accept at least some responsibility for this. It’s all right to want your time but not to demand it, if you see what I mean. I really enjoyed meeting you and would love to spend a little time with you, but you don’t really know me so I don’t feel it’s my place to ask. (This of course leads to one of those loops where not asking leads to never actually getting to know you, which leads to further not asking, but that’s just life… 😉
I really think that if you’re clear about your needs, your time, and your priorities then other people have a responsibility to respect that even if they may feel a little put out. Friendships and other relationships are a two-way street. It takes effort and understanding from both parties for them to work. Being able to make someone feel special is a valuable talent. I’d rather spend a little time with someone who made me feel special than a lot of time with someone who didn’t or couldn’t.
You’ve stated your priorities. Your friends need to be equally up front with theirs. Sometimes compromise is possible, sometimes it isn’t. When it isn’t it’s not necessarily someone’s “fault”. At that point, either something else needs to be negotiated or the friendship/relationship will tend to fade out on its own. With luck such things won’t be acrimonious but this isn’t always the case. Faded or broken friendships can be uncomfortable or even painful, depending on circumstances, but it’s part of the human condition.
Be as true to yourself as you can.
I think it’s hard for busy people and non-busy people to be friends. Brian and I were talking about how we’ve drifted away from a lot of our LARPer friends because they spend like every night together, and we don’t even have time to spend like a night a month with them.
Anyway, we think you’re an awesome friend. You keep on doin wat you doin.
Well, I don’t know what’s going on or who you’re talking about, nor am I particularly familiar with you and your social style, so feel free to disregard everything I say.
3 hours a week of hangout time is a lot for most people, I think. When I see people for more than that, it’s usually because there’s some mutual work time in there too: I’m hanging out at a coffeeshop with friends, getting work done.
Beware controling people and people who must have a lot of your time. The problem is usually theirs.
I’ve run into people before who, in retrospect, I realized were putting me under unfair pressure to be “best friends.” In retrospect I realize that they wanted me, in effect, to be their platonic sig. other. They got really upset and jealous if I had other friends, attending events to which they weren’t invited, or dated in a serious way. I tried to keep them happy without sacrificing my life, and in the end it didn’t really work. If people demand more than is healthy in a friendship, the friendship is not going to last.
Another friend of mine has a rule: if someone makes you feel bad for not spending all your time with them, drop that person like a hot potato. It’s not healthy, and it’s that person’s issue.
That said, it certainly is possible to neglect friends, and to brush them off. I guess a rule of thumb there is be there for people as much as they have/will be there for you. I have some friends who will always take more than they give, so to speak; i.e. the person who always talks about herself and never asks me a single question about me. I can be polite going-out-to-the-movies friends with them, but I’m not going to drop everything to hear them talk about their latest crisis, because a) that’s every week and b) they will never, ever do the same for me.
If someone’s put themselves out for me, though, I always feel the obligation to return the favor. If they’ve listened to me bitch they have a right to bitch to me, and so on. Sometimes those scales can get out of balance, and if that’s the case, balance should be restored.
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing… for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it’s *nothing*, because they don’t fill their time to bursting with other activities… which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.
Hope to see you soon.
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)
I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of ‘normal’ things that they don’t get from you. I don’t feel like that’s a failing on your part – I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.
I wouldn’t want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren’t realistic.
Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can’t will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn’t something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you’ve struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I’d say just keep being you and those who can’t understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.
(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)