I posted to my website. I have a website? Good lord, better fill it with content.
This particular content is asking a question, and I’ll gladly take your responses here.
How does one warn others or even just talk about an Abuser without coming across as being a drama queen or having Survivor as your main identity?
Situation: I didn’t reach out to people about Corey because I didn’t think it was Proper or in-line with my world view. He then hurt other people. A lot.
Suggestions welcome.
(other than this, life is fucking fantastic)
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”
Nosy Stranger suffering from MAS(1)
A few things.
First, you mention wanting to keep the people you care about safe from this person. First assumption on my part is that everyone you know & care about currently is aware of this person, what transpired, and your opinion of the situation. If they aren’t, I think that is a good first step.
Because they’re your friends, and they care about you, if you make it clear that you aren’t trying to stir up ‘drama’, you just want to make sure everyone knows your story and can act according to their own ethics.
The question of “how do I address this with people who come into this person’s life who I don’t know and who don’t know me?” is one where, though it somewhat sucks, you don’t say anything to them. There is nothing you, as an ex- or as the recipient of abusive behavior, can say that can’t be instantly turned into a weapon by the abuser. It has to come from someone else. Which is why the real burden of ‘speaking about it’ falls onto everyone ELSE’S shoulders in your social circle that keep this person in their lives. It’s not fair, but it’s reality: anything you say will be turned into ‘jealous/bitter ex trying to poison my life’ and used as a device to further the exact situation you are trying to avoid.
It’s not just about you speaking up. It’s about every single person who knows you & has you in their life being willing to speak up on your behalf as well. You shouldn’t (and, honestly, can’t) do this kind of shit alone.
And as someone who has had to, on occasion, tell people “no you can’t bring your partner over to my house. they abuse you, and that’s not welcome in my house”, it’s HARD. But if you (the general you, meaning ‘all of your friends who know about this’) don’t speak up, you are saying ‘your behavior will not result in social ostracism, so keep it up.’
1 – MAS. Male Answer Syndrome. “I know the answer! Let me tell you how to do things!”