I’ve been having a fair number of conversations lately about what it is to be in love with someone who is bad for you. And more poignantly, what is it to still think about them regularly, despite all the shit they put you through.
Quite often, they’re incredible people. They are charming, witty, and of course devilishly handsome. Quirky in all the right ways. Too often, it’s not who they (or you) are, per se, but who you become around each other. This is something I’ve been realizing… just because of the Bad Shit that happened, that I was involved in, it doesn’t mean that I’m A Bad Person. But then do you also have to make the same allowances for them? It’s too easy to demonize someone to legitimize difficult decisions.

I would guess that what we really want is some closure. But with those people, the feelings you have are so intense that you can’t just walk away. Something Drastic has to happen instead. But then you always wonder, it always picks at the back of your brain… what if that hadn’t happened? No matter how established the cycle was, cycles are meant to be broken, right?

“It’s nothing but time and a face that you lose”

I don’t have regrets, only questions.

So this is me baring a bit of my soul. A good friend recently told me that emotions are important things, and I really have been trying to pay attention to mine recently. But that means dusting off so many things I had filed away through logic. Having all this alone time forces introspection, which often hurts more than expected. But it builds character, right? It’s all just back story…