The world has been offering ample opportunities to test my newfound comfort with being uncertain about if I’m “enough,” if I’m “adding value,” etc.

There’s this thing my favorite old therapist introduced me to, of “unanswerable questions.” It’s like.. no matter how much data you get about people loving you, you’re still like “guess we’ll never know if I’m lovable or not.” Mine has long been about if I’m bringing value or not, which has put me at risk of abusive relationships as I’m easy to tear down in that way. But I’ve been working hard on therapy and on self-love, and I think I’ve come a pretty long way on this front in recent years.

My first glimpse at doing better at this was getting feedback while at Apple that I was successfully selecting which things to half-ass and which things to full-ass. After all, we can’t get all the things done all the time, and some things only need some of our attention. Sometimes, our full attention can actually be detrimental to a project, and can inhibit others’ ability to grow.

But on Sunday February 15th, I had two things happen, either of which might have previously completely destroyed me, and now I’m just kind of fine with both having happened on the same day.