What do we want? BRAINS! When do we want ’em? BRAAAINNNNSS

Do you have a zombie plan?
my parkour friends and I do. You should too. Here is a quick (and hopefully fun) way to get started on yours. Just don’t get the brain juices flowing too much or you’ll attract them, just like sharks!

Image of the lovely Petra taken by the talented Libby Bulloff (HIRE HER) for Zombie Prom 2006. I hope when the zombipocalyse comes they’re this classy and easy on the eyes.

13 thoughts on “What do we want? BRAINS! When do we want ’em? BRAAAINNNNSS

  1. God I love the interbutts at work.
    (Comment Section answers + normal ones)

    1. Type of zombies? Zoombies. I found 28 days later to be nightmarish in new ways and if the zombie apocalypse is upon us we might as well go whole hog. I also think the biological need for food to run the new hosts for the zombie bacteria/virus/parasite would make zoombie’s as a better vehicle for hunting.

    2. Where to go? I’d go home. I live on the top/2nd floor of an easily secure able building with only commercial units below me. We’re elevated away from zombie paws, have only 1 street level door to blockade, said door has window above it for “murder holes”, and we have a huge roof w/ acess to it for harvesting the midwests abundant rainfall and humidity. We could even set up a bigger garden on the roof and grow more tasty veggies or we could live off of diet food re-possessed from the curves gym below us.

    3. Weapon. Machete for silence and ease of chopping. A gun would be nice but impractical to get in Chicago (we have crazy strict gun laws) and very loud. The scarcity of guns would also help prevent casualties from “friendly fire” amongst humans.

    4. Best vehicle. Moped or bike. The bike would be efficent and (mostly) quiet transportation and you’d be able to outrun zo(o)mbies. Mopeds due to their 2 stroke engines would be very usefull. It’s easy to modify a 2 stroke to use other fuels and you could convert it into a generator to run all kinds of usefull things. The moped is also easy to maneuver and would widen your ability to salvage. It would have to be a proper workhorse moped and none of those Puchs or scooter b.s. I’m also terribly excited by the idea of chopping a zombie’s face off at 50mph.

    5. Best city. I’d likely end up in Chicago but that’s not a bad thing. We have room for a garden and a secure location at my place. There’s a school nearby and a grocery store for salvage as well. Another variable in Chicago is the structural racism the city is built on. This could be bad or the existance of community structures would help people organize against the zombies.

    Ideally I’d prefer Kalamazoo, MI. It has manufacturing and agricultural industry around it and a much lower population density. (And alpacas to ride)

    6. Who to save? Those important to me. Loyalty/friendship is very important and I think my chicago mates are a fairly skilled bunch.

    7. Chances of survival. I want to say bring it but it depends on a number of factors.

    • Also, I have always thought a u-lock would be a pretty good zombie-dispatcher. Blunt objects seem like a good idea, no running out of ammo or anything. Yeah. A u-lock. Maybe strung on a bike chain. And, like, on fire.

  2. I’ma die anyway so just gimme a shotgun, a few boxes of shells, a machete for when I run out of ammo. Once outfitted, leave me behind to cover your escape.

    But you have to promise me that you’ll shoot me in the head when my zombified corpse comes a-knockin at your door.

    • oh my god. I love it so much. I hurt all the time.

      Want to come with? Beacuse, you know, you’re here soon. And that makes me bounce in glee.

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