Author Archives: bl00

September Joy : Hot Springs

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June through July were INTENSE for me. Getting Priceless was a lot of intensity without a lot of partying (it was still a wonderful time, and also I need a little more play in my work:play ratio). I’ve been looking for work and contracting. And then in August, the family vacation we were meant to take for 2 weeks (a luxury provided by Reed’s family, that we’re forever grateful for) ended up seeming to turn into 10 days of caring for Reed and Locke while they had covid. That was supposed to be those 10 days followed by still 1 week of vacation, but then Reed bounced on his covid test after we landed and so I was on solo child duty, while also making sure Reed had food and care while sequestered in a hotel, while ALSO dealing with another family’s dynamics (some of whom thought it was a personal failing on our part that Reed was still sick despite 2 days of testing negative). So I was pretty crispy. Reed and I had a few explicit conversations about how to be kind to each other and be in cahoots because of how easy it would be to slip into sniping at each other. We did a good job, but we were both thoroughly exhausted. 

And so I conspired with grandma and Yolanda (Locke’s main non-family caretaker) to cover a few days of time, and booked Reed and me two nights at a nearby hot springs. It was so good. No signal, no devices (even Kindles!) allowed in the soaking areas. Just books and hot water and naps and my honey. What a way to mainline relaxation. The only sharable picture I took was of our yurt ceiling. 

a 12-sided shape made out of a wooden ceiling reveals some trees.

There were clawfoot bathtubs that just had a constant flow of hot water running into them. There was a cute older Danish couple who seemed to be relishing getting to be naked again. There was a beautiful kitchen to make your own food in, and people came together to play music together one afternoon. Magical, A++, intend to do again.

The cost of cat ownership

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I had an interview for a job prospect I’m really excited about early this morning. Predictably, I didn’t sleep well last night — I both had stress dreams, and my cat horked up his dinner at about 1a. I experience hypervigilence, including while I sleep, so anyone coming up or down the stairs, dealing with doors within earshot, and yes, distressed cats will wake me up. I used to be able to sleep through anything, but now: IS THE BABY ALIVE???? (Yes, he is. He is fine. He is four years old and capable of indicating when he needs help.)

That’s ok. Bad nights happen. My body still wakes up naturally at 5:30a each morning. I did a little meditation in bed and decided to try to set everyone up to succeed for their days as a way of starting my day off right. First up: find a pair of matching socks for Locke, who has run out of socks. Sunday is laundry day and I usually get the folding as well as the washing done, but yesterday involved a birthday party and other adventures, so I had two overflowing hampers of clean laundry in my room. Might as well fold while I hunt for two matching tiny pairs of socks.

About halfway into the first hamper, I’ve located two matching socks. Wonderful, and a start on folding. I toss the rolled up pair in front of Locke’s door so when he inevitably opens his door to holler downstairs in distress of not being able to find a pair, he’ll hopefully look down and we’ll all be a bit easier off.

I go downstairs to take a shower. Delightful. But when I return upstairs, there is only one lonely sock on the landing. My cat has apparently disassembled the pair, left one, and taken the other one… somewhere. Sigh.

No matter, I will make myself a cup of coffee, make Locke’s lunch, and meander around a bit while I look for it. Luckily, it’s not the worst to find, and I return the pair to in front of Locke’s door.

I take the cats outside for their morning backyard (supervised) romp. My cat attempts to take on a squirrel. My cat is 9 pounds, and this squirrel looks to be about the same. My cat refuses to come inside when called (he’s usually quite good about this) and I have to reclaim him from his “tripper trap” corner where he’s convinced squirrels spawn from and he must be Ever Vigilant there.

Get the cats fed and finally sit down at my desk to prep for my morning interview. And this little shit comes in, sits down in front of my keyboard and begins yowling for aggressive pats. I have finally had enough and kick him out of the office.

A void cat pulls hard on a pink tassel toy. HIs claws are out, his tail is a blur, and his eyes are wide. He is truly a thing of silliness.

I love this little empty-headed goblin so much, but jeeze.

Scaling organizations from 50 to 150

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There’s this thing that some organizational theory nerds (hi) talk about called the “rule of threes.” What it means, basically, is that every time your organization grows by x3, the way the organization operates has to change. While that blog post breaks down the numbers differently, I see one of the main inflection points as being between 50 and 150. One of my dear friends is on the board of a maker space, and they’ve recently started experiencing growing pains at the 120 mark where trust is breaking down and folks aren’t as aligned as they once were. This is a blog post about what I recommended to him based on the stage they’re at.

Institute and N+1 expectation

As the group grows, things start to slip through the cracks, and the accumulation of those things bothers some folks. Institute an N+1 rule. It goes like this:

  • Every time you pick up a piece of trash or wash a dish, do it for one extra.
  • Every time you restock a soda or filament, stock one more than seems necessary.
  • Every time you order for the space, order one more than you think you need.
  • When you’re sitting in a circle, always have one chair open for someone to join the group.

Etc. This helps deal with the slop of having a bunch of people sharing a space.

Build culture

Build a culture of

  • respecting each other, who you serve, and the space you use.
  • gently enforcing boundaries.
  • giving feedback on small things so feedback on big things is easier.
  • “deescalate with everyone but the enemy.” We are in a time of fascism, and infighting is kind of what the Left is known for.

Have a framework for course correction that visible people use, and gently encourage others to do the same.

Reiterate expectations

Set these and other specific expectations in onboarding documentation, with your People/HR team, in your Code of Conduct, and in everyday exchanges. This helps folks remember and course correct for themselves and others without it being personal.

Digital Estate Planning

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Way back in 2014, I had some folks in my life die, and I had to help deal with their estates. It spawned the Networked Mortality project, which was me reviewing how I’d then structured my own life to make managing my digital estate easier. Ends up, there were other folks thinking about the same thing. I met Megan Yip, and we co-wrote a guide for the elderly about digital assets.

Then I got a Proper Job, and stopped spending time on it. Megan kept going, but was so overwhelmed with demand that she kept going back to focus on her law practice instead. Now that I’ve got some time, I’m helping her flesh out DigitalAssetsHelp (freshly re-launched!). We’re hoping to offer a few things: 1/ consulting services to not blow up lawyer’s fees (now); 2/ continuing legal education to lawyers getting to know this specialization (eventually); 3/ white-label guides for lawyers to use to prepare their clients (soon); and 4/ workshops for death doulas and other death workers to understand this aspect of planning (now).

The digital assets help logo with a purple geometric elephant

For me, this is deeply personal. It is a way to take care of each other, a way to fight back against hyperindividualism, a way to stop tech companies from claiming ownership of everything, and yet one more way to prepare for catastrophe. Digital estate planning is radical on many fronts.

However, since it’s been a decade since I’ve been thinking about this deeply, I sure would love to chat with folks about what their digital asset concerns are and where we should focus first. If you’re down to nerd out with me about technology and death, please send a 15 minute invite. We know about things ranging from private messages to photo libraries to NFTs and crypto currencies.

Influence without Control

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One of the core skills as a program manager is “influence without control.” I am stellar at this, primarily because of my work in network organizations and working with volunteers. While we had a small team at Geeks Without Bounds, nearly everyone we interacted with was volunteering their time. Same goes for Digital Humanitarian Network. Priceless experimented with hiring and paying two roles this year (I developed the hiring and accountability structures), but otherwise it’s 40 opinionated, badass volunteer planners running the core event with another 150 event volunteers helping in the days of and surrounding the event. And there is zero control over volunteers, there is only influence. So here’s how I do it, as a coordinator, program manager, and manager.

This is less about communicating effectively (maybe I’ll write about that another time), and more about attitude towards people you’re working with.

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August Joy : Finalizing the Disaster Zine!

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Back when I was mildly pregnant in 2021, I figured I would need something to work on while I was on parental leave. While I’ve transitioned my career (and am currently looking for work again), I never really reached resolution about all I had learned in crisis response that hadn’t yet been applied across the field. It’s arguably part of why I left — the field had stagnated and wasn’t adapting to new technologies and practices, and one can only bash their head against that wall for so long. But I knew I had things to teach, and that there are still folks who wanted to learn about it. So I decided to use whatever time I had to put together some guidance, to wrap things up. Did I want to finish the mixed-mode system paper I’d worked on back in my academic days? No, that would be too cumbersome to get published now that I don’t have any affiliations.

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July Joy : Kids at Priceless

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So as I’ve mentioned before, I help out with this medium-sized anticapitalist campout in the woods with lots of music and art. I love it. It also drives me batty.

As one might imagine, a festival that’s been running for 20 years has some Complex Feelings on a few topics. One of those topics is kids. Way back when the crew of friends who threw the event started having one or two grubs emerging, they sat down and had a (really long) discussion. What they arrived at was: Priceless is a festival for adults that Priceless-friendly kids are welcome at. It is up to the adults in their lives to mediate their experience, and no one is to censure themselves or change their behavior just because there are kids present.

Locke in a gnomish pointed straw hat, tiedye shirt, and shorts kneels in front of a circle made of upright sticks in the sand. There are some leaves and a bottle cap in the center of the circle. Floaties and sandals are in the background.

Over the years, the number of kids increased. And the message was a bit lost. A couple years ago, I was on People Team, and multiple people mentioned choosing art or changing their musical acts because of kiddos being present. Others weren’t in the headspace they wanted to be in while there were kids present. So we sat down again for another long conversation about kids at Priceless. And we realized that we were all on board for the original message. Priceless isn’t kid-friendly, but Priceless-friendly kids are welcome. We wrote some new things — refined the child waiver that sets out expectations, and also put together an expectations doc that all attendees can read to level-set.

Estelle and Yulia put together the area called Kidsville this year; and Reed, JoJo (grandma), and I brought Locke to his first Priceless.

We went camping twice this year in anticipation of Priceless — once for one night, and then a follow-up with birthday buddy Liora for two nights. Camping was a smash hit, but we were still nervous to have him at a festival. So much stimulation, so many people, such a bigger area than our usual campground. But we got set up near 3 other families we know well and ended up with a little living room area in addition to the big Kidsville lounge area a short walk away. And Locke LOVED it. I was mostly preoccupied with helping the whole event run, but the rest of the fam swam in the river, and ate pancakes, and dug in the sand.

Willow, Reed, and Locke cuddle on some grass. Willow sits upright in a bikini top with lots of tattoos and signature blue hair. Reed has a pink mohawk and head in Willow's lap. Locke leans against Willow with one leg held up and a smile.

By the end of the event, our reserved kiddo was going up to strangers to ask them to play with him. The noise levels weren’t too much for him! And he did a great job of playing with the other kids. Being in such a high-trust environment was good for all of us. Looking forward to similar experiences in the future.

The secrets we keep

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I now know that saying you work at Apple is like saying you work at the government. Which part matters a lot.

I worked in Security, Engineering, and ARchitecture (SEAR) for the last 5 years as an Engineering Project Manager (EPM). I had a key role in helping Contact Key Verification, Blastdoor, Advanced Data Protection, Forgotten Passcode, Legacy Contact, Child Safety, and some hardware improvements ship. I was doing infrastructural work to continually improve security across the keychain, certificates, cryptography, authentication, insight and detection, endpoint security, and sandboxing. I made sure we got our certifications. I helped Red Teams and fuzzing to be effective. Not all at the same time. But 2-4 releases in flight at a time, and 3-6 teams on board at a time.

A lot of what I worked on I can’t talk about. And I will continue to not talk about until they ship. That was the problem.

I thrive on talking to a wide variety of people about whatever they’re passionate about. I invest in my network, and my network loves me back. It is deep and powerful. I love getting groups of folks to discover something collectively that is new to each of them. I love making weird connections between groups to help them be better. Apple works on the pushing-a-pimple-out-of-a-circle innovation route, a choose-the-best-from-set-options route, and I work the novel-graph-connection-to-make-something-new route. And it was slowly crushing my spirit.

At first, the company was big enough that I was still able to make graph connections. But that wore out quickly as we ran into disclosures and folks not being able to talk about what they actually knew and were passionate about. I still did senior-level technical project manager work while not in my lane. I tracked projects, I mentored folks. Things shipped. But I struggled. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t have anything to talk about with my husband or son when I got home from work. Reed, at one point, pretended that I worked a miniature golf course experience production company. When I vented about a coworker (the only part of work I felt comfortable talking about with non-disclosed folks), he’d sagely nod while thinking “ah, hole 3 is really coming together.”

I tried this experiment for 3 years of trying to have non-productive hobbies. You know, cross stitch and stuff. And it just didn’t work for me. I applaud the folks who can turn off, I will fight for our rights to have time to do things that are not governed by capitalism. I read sci-fi in bed for sure, but I didn’t like trying to take up spare hours on weekends not organizing people. I’m like a Border Collie or something. And I want to talk to people about it. I want to be able to make sense of the world by connecting what I know to what other people know. It’s hilarious to me that Apple TV is what Severance is on. I get the “surprise and delight” thing, but ends up I do not like surprises or getting them.

Securing a billion people without them having to care or notice is a pretty compelling argument, so I stuck with it for 5 years. I worked with many incredible, driven people. But for me, the same reason I struggle with role playing tabletop games is the same reason I struggled at Apple — I am my whole self, with all of its facets, all of the time. I can keep a secret (snitches get stitches!), but I can’t keep a whole part of my life secret.

So, I’m looking for work. Here’s my portfolio of things I’ve done. Here’s my resume. And I’m dipping my toe back in with the disaster zine, digital estate planning, security consulting implementation with Myeong at Tiny Gigantic, and facilitation gigs in the meantime. Let me know if you have a me-shaped hole, because trying to do not-me-shaped things sure didn’t work. I’m a work horse, and I’m good, and I also really like sharing.

June Joy : Deciding to throw Priceless!

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When one of my dearest friends found out I was planning to move from the Boston Area to the Bay Area, he put me in touch with the planners behind Priceless to give me some extra social safety net and ways to plug in.

Priceless is an anticapitalist campout with about 1150 attendees on the Feather River in Northern California. It’s historically happened July 4th weekend, and has been running for.. 18 years? There was one year it got cancelled due to fires, and a Half Price during Covid, and some other anomalies. It has 3-4 stages with different sorts of music (here’s the sampler set that got me hooked), lots of art, and was (until this year) entirely volunteer run. Our food vendor (paid for in advance) is the only thing that involves money on site for the festival. It’s wonderful. And until this year, it had sold out every year, within a very short period of time.

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