shake well : seperation is natural

I realize I’m actually a morning person if my first thought is “hey, it’s tomorrow. it’s The Future!”

So a lot has been going on, huh? So much so that I’ve decided that the majority of today is about experiencing Bloomington and -just sitting-.

Something tells me it’s important to write down some of the processes I’m going though. Not so much to express things that must be said before I leave – that’s never been my game. I say what’s on my mind when it’s there. I try not to need the urgency of impending separation be the prompt for expressing sentiments. I need to write things down so I remember how I felt during these times.

This is the first move I’ve ever done for myself. When I moved to Bloomington to go to college, it was for Seamus. When I moved to Virginia it was for Corey. When I moved back to Bloomington it was for my parents. And while this move was initially to be close to Seamus again, and it still is a bit, he’s got his own life now. Sure I still play an important part, but I need to learn to be my own favorite person for awhile. And apparently I’m pretty neat, or so I’m told.
Also, taking two weeks to drive out is a big deal. While I’m a pretty patient person, once I decide to do something I just do it. I rarely second guess myself, I never regret anything. You just do something and deal with it. See how it plays out, deal with what comes. Everything really does work out in the end.

I have to remember that I have the choice to freak out or not.

So taking so long to drive out is a pretty big deal – if I did things the way I usually do, I would already be in the car and there. It takes a couple days to drive out. Sure, it’s a great opportunity to visit friends and such, but it’s just not my style to take so long getting somewhere. Which I think is what will make this so good for me. I need the alone time, I need to sit places, I need to feel every mile that passes underfoot. I need to see how I fit into this odd place. Upon but also within.

On side notes (remember, it’s a random thought process): I am appalled that we don’t have the technology yet to tell me EXACTLY when it will stop raining (I mean, really.); I’m appalled that I sometimes miss the way feathers and brushed metal smell; I’m appalled that to feel legitimate expressing extreme emotions I have to be drinking; I’m appalled that people treat each other the way they do. However, I am pleased as spiked punch that the people around me so are amazing; pleased that I am Getting Things Done; pleased that I am as aware of my surroundings and Self as I am.

Also, there is coffee.

6 thoughts on “shake well : seperation is natural

  1. COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I too am often appalled at how people treat each other. I often strive to surround myself with amazing people, they inspire me to be a better person myself. That way we all win!

  2. And apparently I’m pretty neat, or so I’m told.

    no apparently about it. i’m so glad that you recognize the need to be your own favorite person, both because it’s good for you, and because you’re already one of my favorite people.

  3. Good luck on your trip. Just read your most recent post, and Illusions is a great book to read on a long slow trip, especially for someone who finds long and slow to be challenging. May the wind be at your back!

  4. i like you.

    but seriously, all gravelling aside. i think your trip shall be amazing. i’m normally not the envying type but, i honestly wish i could do it.

    good luck, willow. i’m going to miss you so much. its lame to say it, i know. but i really will miss you.

    wherever you go, and whatever you do… just remember “three, like Van Halen”

    oh, and sporks.

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