The value of thoughts

I have this sweetie who also adores sci-fi books. We were on a bike ride at some point, and he asks if I’ve read There is No Antimemetics Division. I reply that I have not, and he offers to give me his copy (he knows I prefer reading paper copies in bed even though I love a good Creative Commons story even more, and self-published copies are also a way to support the author). I say yes. I read it, it’s delightful, I find the ending a bit flat because it’s antithetical to how the rest of the book went, BUT it’s still very good and I’m glad I read it. I stick it somewhere as a book I like enough to want to share with other folks if they spot it.

I suggest Reed also read it. He picks it up and likes it so much he also gets a copy for his brother for Christmas. The new copy is different, a hardback, and the main character’s name seems to have changed. That’s ok, sometimes there are further editions of things, must meant the author is doing well.

Reed comes to me and says “hey do you still have your copy?” and I reply that yet I do unless I stuck it in the LFL. He tells me it’s now worth $500. Apparently the bitcoin bros have found out about it and want copies of the first self-published run.

Willow's new albatross, a paperback copy of There Is No Antimemetics Division, now somehow kept in a plastic bag.

Now, I have some Feelings on this. Mainly that it’s under Creative Commons and so you can just get the actual words for free, and so wanting this particular printed version is pure status signaling, which is not a thing I think you should be able to be able to come to via money. I’m a goth punk kid from the Midwest where people didn’t even WANT to pretend to be like us, who then moved to bigger cities where having stuck to that background made you “cool” and so there were lots of folks adopting the trappings without the values alignment (history is something you can always build).

But also, I’m doing a bunch of stuff in my neighborhood out of my own pocket and I don’t like asking my neighbors to throw in to help cover the costs, and this book could now cover nearly all of the radios I just got for all of us. And that would be nice, and it’s ridiculous to throw money at something that’s literally freely available.

So I’ve offered to give the copy back to the sweetie who gave it to me. Philosophy is not my favorite place to be trapped.

Saying the quiet part out loud : a missing stair

The only other time I’ve written something like this was 10 years after leaving an abusive relationship, to describe what it was like to try to get over it and how I still carried it with me in some ways. I tried hard to be compassionate to Corey, even then. I’m less interested in being compassionate in this post about Gunner. Corey at least had youth to pin things on, could still possibly change. I have sat down with Gunner to talk to him about all this, and while he didn’t get defensive in the moment, it seems he’s up to his old games still, I’ve offered to meet with him again, and I’m frankly pretty sick of this dead weight on the tech justice space.

I had written a very long-form thing to get all my feels out. Receipts there if you ask me for a password and agree not to share outwards, but it boils down to this: Gunner is pathologically unable to move from ideation space into execution, and does this at very high cost to the marginalized people he surrounds himself with, who have built their prior careers on being able to execute. Gunner has a great nose for potential, and taps into that potential, but then absolutely destroys your potential if you try to realize your dreams around him. He does this while making it your fault. This tendency has slowed (stopped, in some cases) the social justice technology space he is involved with. We no longer have time for this, and so I’m deciding to speak up.

I am confident enough of this that I will buy you dinner, wherever you are, with or without my company, to talk through it if you have hard data to the contrary. This only applies to people of a marginalized identity, not other white dudes or people in a funding position; and must be about executing on something, not just the ideation stage.

This is not a call to cancel someone. This is a call to be cautious about what sorts of ideas you bring to him, and what sorts of work you try to do with him.

The first 30 days

I’ve now been at GoFundMe for 30 days! Hooray! In an act of reestablishing how I like to learn and share, I asked if I could write blog posts about my experiences in learning to manage, and got a thumbs-up. Here’s what I’ve gotten up to!

Setting up support

There are a bunch of lovely folk in my life who I respect who also manage. I have put them into a Signal thread where I can ask questions. Yes, they’re all pretty spicy and I’m worried about the fights that might happen. Yes, also I have slept with all of them. Yes, it’s already proven pretty invaluable.

I also asked explicitly for a mentor at GFM who’s established there and could counter balance what I have blind spots in. I’ve been set up with someone and we’re off to a good start.

Read a fucking book

There’s a lot to read out there (and I’m making my way through a fair amount of it, mostly recommended by an infosec Slack I’m in), but I also wanted a focused book for this time. My brother recommended The First 90 Days and it’s been REALLY good so far. The parts that are useful are really useful, the parts that are less useful are easy to skip over.

So far, I’ve learned to separate out focus areas into political, cultural, and technical things, and to check in with those around me about which lane I should be focused in most. I’ve also learned to think about if folks are better at sustaining or being a hero, and at what stage of a business. This is all helping as I get to know new folks, I can plug them into my little database of people.

Get to know the people

I’m not just paying attention to the folks that report to me, or the people further up in the chain. I’m also getting to know peers near and far. As we talk, I ask each person if there’s anyone else I should be talking to. Sometimes they have someone not already on my list, but often not. I take notes and structure the data so we can start our next conversation in a more advanced place. Plus, it’s way better to say hello to someone BEFORE something is on fire.

Hack my own tendencies

The first while at a new job should be about learning the terrain and people. Learning what not to step in. Learning root causes to what might seem like disparate problems.

Problem is, if I don’t have a thing to do, I will FIND something to do, and that’s not great for this period of onboarding. So I have found a low-stakes project that touches a lot of what I’m getting up to, plus some interactions with nearby teams, in order to give me a thing to focus on while I move more slowly elsewhere. You probably guessed this, but I’m organizing our documentation and starting to come up with a stronger onboarding story.

Start to make a plan

I’ve started laying out where I think we are, and where I think we can get to next. I’m waiting to bring this to my reports until I have it pretty well dialed in and have broad categories in place. I want a strong story to tell. But I am testing bits and pieces for readiness and accuracy in most conversations I’m having, regardless of with who.

I’m excited! This seems to be really promising.

2025 in review

I’ve been doing these a long time, you can read about the years since 2015 if so desired. These are inspired by Tilde, who has taught me that it can be a Good Thing to remember what the last year has been like. Many of the headers in this post are based on my goals for 2025.

I’ve been tracking general activity via LifeCycle for quite a few years now, but beginning during medical leave this year I also started tracking my time just to not feel like it was slipping away into the ether. Some of that time this year (particularly at home as well as at work and coffee shops) can be further broken down as follows. I did not track activities outside of the house (mostly covered by LifeCycle) nor relaxing time in the house because that way lies madness for me.

A donut chart with kiddo time at 37%; then work and side projects each in the teens and socializing at 9%, then the rest trailing below.

You’ll also notice a new chart style this year — I moved my life data out of Google Sheets and into Airtable. It’s given me a bunch of fun insights, including this tidbit.

The phrase for this year was empathy without responsibility. This has really been front and center for me, resulting in more effective local organizing within the context of The World On Fire, dealing with memory and cognition issues effectively, having a more balanced approach to job hunting, and to generally being more grounded in impact rather than anxiety. More in this blog post.

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Lying to people about time

I’m not a good liar. I don’t enjoy it, although I seem to be good at it when the need has arisen. Games like Werewolf frankly make me sick to my stomach and I play up how much I don’t want to lie as a mechanic for when I do have to lie in those games. However, in two areas of my life, I lie my ass off: facilitation and program management. But I only lie about one thing in both of these contexts: time.

Most people need to feel a sense of urgency in order to get anything done, and also a sense of spaciousness to really be thoughtful about outcomes. Both of these are necessary to facilitate a good conversation, and both are necessary to help guide a project well. It’s a balance navigated with nuance, intuition, and experience.

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Coming from a family of alcoholics (2 months in)

I am full of bees, and have long been as productive and engaged as I am in order to help quell those bees. Over the years, I’ve tried having nonproductive hobbies, meditation, medication, and all sorts of other things to quell the bees.

Reed and I had a conversation in October of 2025 about my drinking. I had gotten it to what I thought was a good homeostasis — 1-3 ciders 5x/week or so. Not more than most Europeans drink. But Reed was still interested in if I was getting what I wanted out of it for three reasons, which I reflect on below during my period of not drinking (for however long that is). I have decided to start with 6 months off, at which point we’ll check back in on if we’re getting what we want out of it. I’ve decided to blog about it at the 2, 4, and 6 month markers at least.

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Bringing organizational maturity to radical groups

I’m honored to have helped establish, or to help continue fostering, several radical groups that have survived past their origin moment and group. The challenges that come with the second or third generation of stewards while also navigating organizational momentum are unlike those of founding a group, and I’d like to chat about them with you here. Each section has a founding pattern, the results of that pattern, and what to do about it to mature more. None of the sections involve imposing hierarchy on a distributed organization.

The Pattern: Everyone is Welcome and Empowered

Hark, radical inclusion a la Geek Social Fallacies. We are radically inclusive, and therefore share our logins with everyone who has shown a mild interest in helping us out. I wrote about this in more depth for the Disaster Zine, but in short, this looks like allowing broad access to data stores and decision making, which then broadens the attack surface in multiple ways.

The result

You end up with bogged down consensus making processes by people who aren’t otherwise participating; and you end up with the broad side of a barn for data access issues. People make mistakes in documents and databases and no one can figure out the change log or if the issues are malicious or just oversights. You’ve probably had at least one phishing attempt, and if one was successful, you’re finally looking at the tangle of your “org chart” and feeling daunted by how to make sense of it.

Maturing

Establishing Role-Based Access Control (RBAC) with clear decision points (whether time-based or otherwise) for reassessing each account’s owner(s) and privileges is vital here. Writing down these processes and rubrics makes it feel less personal when the review time comes up, and it won’t be a surprise to anyone.

RBAC should match the desired organizational structure, not whatever you’ve happened into over time. Use this as a moment to talk about operations, opsec, and org charts.

The Pattern: Matching Organizational Structure to Personalities

A bunch of folks showed up to help out, and some of them stuck around! The org chart starts to match the personalities, not the operations. Willow likes facilitation, operations, and security, and so we have one department that does that with all the folks who like working with Willow.

The result

Separating out bank account access from who administers the communication tool suddenly becomes a huge issue when the personality who loved doing both those things decides they’d like to move on and train up a new person. Do you try to find a matching personality, or do you finally separate out the roles more clearly so different people can come into the org?

Maturing

Defining roles and responsibilities clearly, and allowing people to take on multiple roles is a more extendable approach than trying to shoehorn people into oddly-structured roles. Let the people build their own complexity with well-defined pieces.

The Pattern: We are Values-Aligned above All Else

We believe the same things, so we must be able to work together well, right? No. Hiring for strongly held beliefs makes sense when you’re building a brand, but can lead to difficulty implementing in the long run.

The result

Having to play politics, political capital triumphing over well-formed ideas, and a stressful work environment result here. Everyone has big ideas strongly held, but the differences in implementation prevent the organization from moving forward and proving those ideas out.

Maturing

Values are a foundation, they are not a stick with which to beat people. Work with your existing crew to foster flexibility, make sure collaborative abilities are considered for future hires. My favorite interview approach for this is to ask about a difficult situation or person, and to listen for the interviewee demonstrating respect and self-reflection from the example.

December Joy : Snow storm!

You may remember from back in February, Locke and I went to NYC to meet up with my family to spend some time with them. Things have been tender since a falling out a year or three ago, but we’re rebuilding confidence with each other. We have weekly calls again, and have been trying to meet up. I asked my parents if they’d like a wintertime visit, and we arranged just after Thanksgiving. I was nervous, but knew it would be worth the investment.

Not only was time with grandma and grandpa much easier, but we also got a snow storm!

Snow map showing 1-6 inches across my area of Indiana.

As the storm kicked off, Locke and I made our way to a Rural King (yes, really) to try to get him some snow clothes. Queue my being dressed as “clearly not from here” in a subtly rainbow long wool coat, subtly rainbow jeans, plus black stompy boots waiting patiently while my child has a meltdown on the floor screaming about how “boring” all the boots and clothing there are. The looks. Admittedly we were underslept and jet lagged from the travel, but they don’t know that. We finally picked out some too-big boots that were at least purple and a black jacket. We had to go to the nearby Carhart dealer to get snow bibs in his size. Yes, there’s a Carhart dealer. So now my child, he looks like a farmer. But at least he can go into the snow!

But Northern Indiana, you see, is very flat. So grandpa and I took turns dragging Locke around the yard on a sled so he could get some of the experience. The next door neighbors have a tiinnnny hill in their yard that’s about 3 feet tall and 10 feet long. They invited us over! So Locke got to have a tiny sledding experience.

So that was pretty dang joyful. Then we went inside and sat by the fire and read books, which is The Main Thing My Family Does, so I was glad to share that with Locke as well.

How I think about retrospectives

I believe in self-improving systems, and retrospectives are a core way of reflecting and then changing behavior accordingly. There’s a lot out there on what a retrospective is, formats to use, and other techniques, so I’ll just highlight my facilitation thoughts on them here. This is influenced by the CAST handbook and my own facilitation background.

Must be blame-free / a psychologically safe space

People will not open up and be actually present and interrogative if they don’t feel safe. It is your responsibility when setting up, facilitating, and debriefing to make sure the system is what is being critiqued, not the humans within it. The humans made the best possible choice they could given the circumstances they were in, so let’s change the circumstances in the future. Make this explicit early and often. As Charity says on the sticker on my megaphone, “communicate positive intent.”

A picture of a megaphone focused on a sticker in Lisa Frank obnoxiously bright styling, "communicate positive intent." Additional stickers that are visible are the Priceless Baroot, the edge of a pleading taco emoji, and one that seems to ready "...necessarily a crime."

Must be scoped well

If people don’t know what they’re talking about, they won’t talk about the same thing, and getting to concrete outcomes will become nearly impossible. Focus on a specific project, timeline, or outcome. Communicate this early and often.

Should encourage creative thinking

Whatever format you pick should be mildly novel (not so novel that it disrupts how people approach things, but novel enough to edge them out of their comfort zone). Use a different prompt set or a different tool, but rarely both at the same time. Ask more of people to engage and challenge them into someplace new.

Needs to lead to concrete, actionable tweaks

If you don’t arrive at experiments that will change how you’re behaving, you have wasted everyone’s time. I like to set aside about 1/4 of the time of the retro to listing, refining, and then selecting one or two these experiments. I ask the following questions:

  • What will change if we take this action?
  • What would prevent us from making the change?
  • How will we know if we’re successful or not?
  • When should we check back?
  • What is our next step, and who is responsible for it?

I only pick up 1-3 concrete steps to take after each retro. I track them just like any project, and I report back on them before the next retro to show that the time and vulnerability is worth it.

One goal should be building trust with the team

A core part of the system is team trust, and in improving the system, we should be focused on building that part of it. By being blame free, enacting suggestions, and pushing people to engage more, we build that trust. If something about the retro process is eroding trust, pause and reassess your approach.